All are actual headlines from this morning’s news:

Paralegal killed during protest of Charlottesville white supremacist rally: ‘She died doing what was right’

Not sexting? You’re weird, study says

Police: Florida man dies after punch from Uber driver

Alabama man beats brother with aluminum baseball bat over Taco Bell

Police Stood By As Mayhem Mounted in Charlottesville

Blac Chyna wrangles a wedgie

Man savagely slays his mother, sister and her friend with hammer in Long Island

AirDropping penis pics is the latest horrifying subway trend

Ex-KKK Leader David Duke Says White Supremacists Will ‘Fulfill’ Trump’s Promises

Reward offered in Bayshore Gardens double homicide