Florida is…

64) The place where this twisted brute of a monster raped a twelve year old girl: Florida man accused of sexually assaulting, drugging girl, 12, after she asked for cigarette, deputies say

65) The place where this stupid, sorry-ass, miserable excuse for a human decided to give a public demonstration of his worthlessness: Florida man who broke into gas station identified after he left behind his debit card: deputies

66) The place where love blossoms like a delicate flower, except the flower is insane and guns are involved: Florida woman and 19-year-old arrested after alleged love triangle falls apart, leaving 15-year-old boy shot in fit of jealous rage

Florida is…

61) The place where this monster was found to be in possession of over one ton of child pornographic material: Florida man found with over “one ton” worth of child pornography

62) The place where instant karma was visited upon an idiot: Fleeing Florida motorcyclist flips off police before getting hit by truck

63) The place where this drug-addled first degree fuckhead killed two little girls and their grandfather: Florida man high on meth gets life for DUI crash that killed 2 girls, grandfather

Florida is…

58) The place where this total waste of food, water, and oxygen chose as a career path: “repeat offender criminal”: Florida man sentenced to 25 years in federal prison for receiving kilos of cocaine in the mail

59) The place where this dumb-fuck shit-for-brains decided that he always wondered what police thigh tasted like and now was the time to find out: Florida man bites officer after hitting another with car, dancing in traffic, police say

60) The place where so-called humans repeatedly try to answer the ages-old question “Just how stupid can you be?”: Florida burglars call 911 to get help moving stuff: sheriff

Florida is…

55) The place where this moron must have been thinking “I ain’t afraid of no damn British car!”: Florida man injured after sticking his arm in jaguar pen at local zoo

56) The place where this monstrous asshole will be spending an inadequate amount of time in prison: Florida man sentenced to 3 years for spitting on 70-year-old man who asked him to social distance

57) The place where this appalling example of inhumanity resides. She ought to be thrown to the jaguars in #55 (above): Florida woman arrested after keeping child with autism in cage

Florida is…

52) The place where this idiot could not even manage to complete the job of earning a Darwin Award: Florida man shoots himself while showing off gun in bar

53) The place where this semi-human piece of shit will be spending an inadequate amount of time in prison: Florida man who hid HIV status from gal pals sentenced to prison

54) Not a place where “gator tossing” is recognized as an official sport, and he will pay a price for his ignorance. Maybe he will learn a lesson: Florida man tries to throw live gator onto building’s roof

Florida is…

49) Perhaps the only state where this would happen: Florida man on bicycle injured in crash with iguana

50) Where these god-awful turds should be forced to drink their “cure” every day of their prison stay: Florida man and his sons charged with selling toxic chemical as a coronavirus cure to thousands

51) The home state of this predator creep who will likely suffer greatly at the hands of other prison inmates: Florida man allegedly traveled to Vancouver to meet with 14-year-old girl for sex

Florida is…

46) The place where this alleged human wastes the planet’s oxygen supply: Florida woman busted for trying to kiss strangers at bar, calling 911 about social distancing

47) The place where this sub-human animal abuser deserves to be kicked into a bloody pulp: Florida man accused of kicking chicken like ‘a football player would kick a field goal’

48) The state where, apparently, some people think kidnapping teens is an OK thing to do: Florida man allegedly kidnapped teen to drive him through coronavirus checkpoint

Florida is…

43) The home of this spectacularly busy criminal with a diverse array of fresh crimes: Florida man facing 12 charges after allegedly committing 3 crimes in one day

44) Clearly the place where this complete and total idiot wishes he was from: ‘Bored’ Idaho man arrested in Florida for driving on beach

45) The place where this child-abusing son-of-a-bitch should be spending time in jail: Florida man put laxatives in boy’s medication, deputies say