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Tag: #Floridawoman

Florida is…

70) Where these two disgustingly evil pieces of shit were doing heinous things: Bradenton man, woman arrested on sexual battery and child porn charges, deputies say

71) The place where democracy is dying a slow, lingering death at the hands of the Republicans: Florida leads the nation in school book bans. That should terrify us.

72) The place where this dumbass, knowing he has outstanding warrants, decided that the best way to lay low was to speed in a school zone, with predictable results: ‘I gotta go’: Florida man wanted on 3 felonies arrested for going 40mph in school zone, police say

Florida is…

64) The place where this twisted brute of a monster raped a twelve year old girl: Florida man accused of sexually assaulting, drugging girl, 12, after she asked for cigarette, deputies say

65) The place where this stupid, sorry-ass, miserable excuse for a human decided to give a public demonstration of his worthlessness: Florida man who broke into gas station identified after he left behind his debit card: deputies

66) The place where love blossoms like a delicate flower, except the flower is insane and guns are involved: Florida woman and 19-year-old arrested after alleged love triangle falls apart, leaving 15-year-old boy shot in fit of jealous rage

Florida is…

61) The place where this monster was found to be in possession of over one ton of child pornographic material: Florida man found with over “one ton” worth of child pornography

62) The place where instant karma was visited upon an idiot: Fleeing Florida motorcyclist flips off police before getting hit by truck

63) The place where this drug-addled first degree fuckhead killed two little girls and their grandfather: Florida man high on meth gets life for DUI crash that killed 2 girls, grandfather

Florida is…

58) The place where this total waste of food, water, and oxygen chose as a career path: “repeat offender criminal”: Florida man sentenced to 25 years in federal prison for receiving kilos of cocaine in the mail

59) The place where this dumb-fuck shit-for-brains decided that he always wondered what police thigh tasted like and now was the time to find out: Florida man bites officer after hitting another with car, dancing in traffic, police say

60) The place where so-called humans repeatedly try to answer the ages-old question “Just how stupid can you be?”: Florida burglars call 911 to get help moving stuff: sheriff

Florida is…

55) The place where this moron must have been thinking “I ain’t afraid of no damn British car!”: Florida man injured after sticking his arm in jaguar pen at local zoo

56) The place where this monstrous asshole will be spending an inadequate amount of time in prison: Florida man sentenced to 3 years for spitting on 70-year-old man who asked him to social distance

57) The place where this appalling example of inhumanity resides. She ought to be thrown to the jaguars in #55 (above): Florida woman arrested after keeping child with autism in cage

Florida is…

46) The place where this alleged human wastes the planet’s oxygen supply: Florida woman busted for trying to kiss strangers at bar, calling 911 about social distancing

47) The place where this sub-human animal abuser deserves to be kicked into a bloody pulp: Florida man accused of kicking chicken like ‘a football player would kick a field goal’

48) The state where, apparently, some people think kidnapping teens is an OK thing to do: Florida man allegedly kidnapped teen to drive him through coronavirus checkpoint

Florida is…

34) The place where this stupid, meth-head teacher lives: Florida first-grade teacher arrested for trying to buy ‘8-ball’ of meth at school

35) The place where this outstanding citizen lives: 28-year-old Florida man arrested for 66th time

36) The place where this total monster lives: Florida man arrested after hanging Navy vet’s service dog with electrical cord, punching his son, 16: reports

Florida is…

When you see a news story that starts with the phrase “Florida man” you can be sure that it will be about something weird and/or illegal – or just plain stupid – happening in the Sunshine State. However, men aren’t the only screw-ups and idiots in Florida. I present here for your edification, three examples out of the many, many available.

28) The place where this awful parenting transpired (be sure to read about what they found in the bus): Woman in Florida charged with leaving three kids in bus overnight to smoke pot on boat

29) The place where you can find this version of domestic bliss: Florida woman charged with using Christmas tree to attack boyfriend

30) The place where this happened (’nuff said): A Florida woman called 911 to report a dead woman on her driveway. Police say she killed her

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